My name is Ademide and this is my story. My sad love story, the love that never happened.

I fell in love with a girl some years back and she didn't love me back. I could walk away from her, but I didn't.

Why was it so difficult for me to walk away from someone I loved so much but she didn't want me back?

The silent madness. The burning fire in me that promised to never die unless I had something with that person. The burning want to have something significant and exclusive with her. The big fat bowl of disappointment that was always on my face when every call and message I received wasn't from her.

I looked at my life and I evaluated it like I had done some bullshit in the past that didn't make me seem loveable to her. Why wouldn't this girl just want me and love me like I did her?

I scrutinised myself thoroughly, why does this babe not want to be with me despite all the love that I had for her? I just wanted to be loved back, I wanted to feel recognized, I wanted to be needed by someone who had already made it clear to me several times that I wasn't in her romantic plans, not then, not now, not in a year to come.

All that pain and heartbreak, yet, it was so difficult to walk away. I could walk away and be free, but I didn't.

So I kept trying, pushing, focused on proving my love, forgetting and neglecting every other important person in my life because of this one person that I had convinced myself that I couldn't live without.

ooh!, I was an idiot.

Still, I wasn't wanted. That person picked other guys above me without blinking an eye.

I was addicted, addicted to a disease. And the problem with this type of addiction is, it rarely stops until it makes sure you ruin your life because of somebody that's never going to look your way if she had to save her life.

I fell trap of this long and lonely disease. I felt trapped within myself, I was lonely, I wanted to get away from myself but I could not. I could do anything to be with that person. I was so entitled, I wanted that person's love, I wanted to be recognised where I wasn't.

I was young and dumb. When I got cured of that diseases, I had already pushed the very important people in my life away because I wanted my dreams with one person to come true. But luckily for me, I could finally walk away because I realized that being in that relationship was very toxic to me, to my health, my family and every other person around me.

Though, I realised this a long time ago before I decided to really walk away and never look back. The older I grew, the more I thought about it. Everyday, I promised myself to walk away from that person without looking back, but when it came to it, I just couldn't do it.

When I was finally able to get away was when I truly realised how messed up I was and why it was so difficult for me.

Human beings are exceptional creatures, yet stupid. When it comes to emotions, feelings, the very emotions that makes us so vulnerable to ourselves and to attack from others, we're stupid and weak at deciding what's best for us.

Every single time you try to get somebody to love you back because you love them, you push them away from you. You try again, you push them away further. Then it becomes a chain reaction until you lose your mind. When it comes to having a relationship with women especially. If a woman doesn't love you, there's hardly anything you have that's strong enough for her to see a reason to even consider to treat you like a romantic partner.

Everybody can't love you because you think you're wonderful or because you have a world full of love to give to that person. It's the sad truth but the reality.