OnkuAde

Most women I've come across have always dreamt about their definition of a perfect man since their childhood. Some of the features their pictures of a perfect man share together are; holiness, handsomeness, wealthiness, caring, charming, manliness and loyalty. These women are right to have this mental list of the characteristics that they expect in the man that's going to grace their bed. Everybody should have tastes. Even female animals are choosy about whom they mate with. Now, some men are naturally handsome, attracting women with little difficulty. But most have to rely on their wits, charm and the occasional bit of clever seduction to find a partner. Often, the handsome men do not tick the boxes of the  "perfect man" list that the woman has prepared in her head. The handsomeness just often sweeps her off her feet. On the other hand, the clever man more often makes efforts to be the perfect man for the woman that falls trap of his wit and charm. But in all...

Women believe that it's in the nature of men to cheat. That's why they train women to tie their men down. To tie him down and babysit him. That's why they teach women how to keep a man_  "Ten thousand ways to keep a man and hypertension" That's why they teach women how to respect a man but they teach men how to show strength. That's why religion lies to women about virginity and sex and the society teaches men how to use woman as a tool for sex. That's why religion teaches women to never leave their men no matter what he does. And society teaches her to alway give him her body if she wants to be long in his house. That's why women hate each other, because they want a man to see them come out stronger over another woman. That's why women put their man/relationship above their ambition. But they do not know that, cheating is a decision. A man that wants to cheat on you will decide to cheat on you. God didn't put it there. Natur...

So sometime ago in school, some guys were talking about relationships, girls and sex in my hostel. There was a lead speaker and others were asking him questions, chipping in opinions here and there. It got to a point where the lead speaker was asking them if they had a girlfriend. All seven boys said they had no girlfriend. Issokay. Someone asked the lead speaker if it's right to have sex with his girlfriend [someone that said he doesn't have a girlfriend ]. Speaker said; it's a matter of agreement between the both of them. Because, if you don't have sex with her, she will go outside and tell her friends that you're impotent. And if you try to have sex with her too, she will say you are with her because of her body. Ladies, your boyfriends are not okay o. I'm telling you. I fainted straight! Thank God for God. I was listening to it all from my room. And me, because my body couldn't stop pushing me. I'm like fire and water, they're ...

A relationship should be like a moving car. Constantly burning emotions like fuel, changing gears as you move from friendship to low speed to high speed. A dying relationship has been deprived of emotions, commitment, quality time. Or worse, trust has been broken. In some cases, you just feel tired of what you have. You want more, you want to explore. It's totally normal to not want to be with just one person for the rest of your life. So, the thought of that fears some people, it makes you want to give up and leave everything behind and just move on like there's no one to come home to.  If you're stuck in this state of emotional deliema, wondering what to do going forward. This, is for you. Firstly, try to  identify what's going on with you. Ask yourself questions. What has changed in you? Do you have feelings for someone else?. 1. Talk about what you're feeling with your partner and be absolutely honest with each other. Nothing works more than  a s...

I met Kayode in 2013. He was a member of our church and a very close friend to our then choir coordinator that was my friend too. I knew little or nothing then, compared to what I know now about love and relationships. I was overwhelmed and highly vulnerable when I noticed Kayode's likeness for me and when he finally asked me to be his girl. I was just sincerely happy that someone wanted me and wanted to be more than a friend with me. I didn't think about the things that going into a relationship entailed, I just wanted a relationship. I was young and naive, it was my very first relationship. Things went quite well between us for the first few months. Thinking about it all now, Kayode isn't really my type of guy. I realise now that he did a lot of things which I consider unruly and totally disrespectful. He really exploited my immaturity. He kept persuading me for sex especially. He pressured me so much, but I was unyielding, I just didn't love him enough to g...

Pople hate you for no particular reason. For the way you carry yourself, for the way you move around, for the way you find favour from people, For the way you don't cry, For the way you laugh always, For the way you act like boss.. People hate you. You will be surprised at the most littlest reasons why grudges are held against you. You're hated in some quarters for the way you speak. For your beautiful grammatical fluency that you spend time everyday practicing, perfecting. It's not normal. But it's human. The onus is on you therefore to make peace with yourself and put your head high up there above other gods. Love, give love, be grateful for Love. love for as long as you breathe. share that love with the world whether they want you or not. Love is beautiful. It's your only option not to care about the little fights they try to pick with you. The unpredictability of life should be reason enough to embrace peace and love and to be unapologetic abou...

Respect, focus, intelligence, decisiveness, authority, command, character, disposition. These and many more are basic characters that defines who a man should and must be. A Yoruba man expecially. It should run in your blood. The way you carry yourself as a man is another most important feature which you should be known for. Your character should speak for you in places you haven't spoken. You see, as a man, you can not talk unnecessarily in every conversation you find yourself in. Not every talk is your talk. And in every talk that you talk in, your talk must not spray the atmosphere with foolishness. And in every talk that you talk wisely, you can not impose on others. It's your word that's going to command that respect for you. And when you do not know anything about what they're talking about, shut the hell up and listen to learn. Don't try to prove intelligence in a conversation where you're the most clueless on the topic. When you shut up, It...

I want to tell you all my story. I know you do love stories so please pay attention as I try to clear my mind. December 2015... One chilly December afternoon. While I was unwinding with my friends and doing our "thing." I being the course representative for my department, a fellow course mate came over and introduced Bisola to me as our new course mate."WOW, she's a pretty girl," I thought to myself. I introduced myself to her, and we exchanged pleasantries. She proceeded to seat on a bench in the middle of the class. I just couldn't stop staring at her. My friends started the argument of who should go for her, an argument that nearly caused a fight between us. But eventually I won the argument,my confidence is that good! I walked over to her and discussed this and that with her, just to spark a connection. We exchanged our phones to go through our galleries. I should confess, she was the first lady I had genuine interest in (in UNIOSUN), an interest I...

 love❤. I understand that you're damaged. You get easily triggered. You have struggled with things. There are days that you just don't want to talk to anybody, pick up a call or reply a chat. I understand you will shut me out on those days. I know that there are  days you're not going to be able to trust me for a while because everyone has always left you, cheated on you, or chose someone else over you. You will always need my reassurance. That I will never cheat on you. That I will always choose you. That I will never leave. You will always need me. You will need me to keep choosing you. You will need me to care when you show that you're tired of it all. You are not always happy. I know. You won't always be positive. I know. You won't always be smiling. I know. But I knew your reality before I got involved. I wouldn't have entered your life if I couldn't handle it. I wouldn't have touched your heart if I wasn't ready for your rea...

love sometimes can be very complicating and unpredictable. One minute, you presume you love your spouse dearly AND can do anything to keep him or her forever locked in your blossom. The next minute, you are contemplating to quit and any flimsy excuse you lay your hands on would be the best opportunity to strike just to dabble into another relationship you might be considering best for you at the moment. Little wonder, people often find themselves In a love triangle; a situation where you believe to be having same and equal feelings for two people at the same time. And in such a complex situation, some may dump their former partner for the latest one. Probably he may be more flamboyant, cuter and possibly overgenerous in his spending. (who no like better thing?) We all know the more money mentality running through the head of our present day Nigerian babes. It's such a shame that these days, the love of money and the greed to acquire more has led our Young girls into committi...

I've been a thinker all my life, wandering all over the world from my childhood with my curious yet troubled mind. Why are human beings supposed to live in a certain way right from birth till death. The birth, the education, the relationships,  and, oh, the marriage, so ordinary yet highly overrated. The way of life and all of the averageness that comes with it. Why that way and not any other way? Who was the first human that lived through this state of life that every other average person now dearly hold on to? Human beings do not realise just how far the mind can travel nor how deep and big the brain can go. Because of that self limitation, nobody knows about breaking through the roof, shattering norms and dogmas. For some that do not have this bondage, fear is what holds them back. The fear of failure; What ifs and what does? What happens if it doesn't go as planned? What am I going to fall back to? Won't they tell me that they told me so? I see all these and it b...

As adults, I belive you should be able to have certain conversations with your relationship partner. Humans change. Feelings evolve. Love doesn't stay as strong as it was in it's first month forever. And it's totally okay to be with someone today and start developing feelings for another. The moment you start feeling caged, the moment you start feeling tied down, the moment you start feeling like the "more" you want is out there. At that point, you should be respectful and matured enough to call your partner and tell what you're feeling at that stage and you both talk about the way forward. Instead of staying put in a relationship where your heart is no more then going out to cheat on your partner. It's a f**king relationship. Not a law binding contract. How old are you? 20?  Don't spend your entire youth years patching up feeling that won't eventually work after 5 years. Nah.